Sermon on the Mount, American Revised Version *
Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time,
Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill
shall be in danger of the judgment:
But I say unto you,
Lock and load, my brothers, purchase
rounds of ammunition for the storehouse,
arm yourselves with AK-47s, and bump stocks,
baptize yourselves with gunpowder.
Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time,
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth,
But I say unto you,
"Let's teach them a lesson if they ever show up here."**
If they knock out a tooth, we will break their jaw.
If they blacken an eye, we will rip out their eyes.
If they attack with guns, we will fire with fire.
"You can't be a Christian if you don't own a gun."***
Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us
in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise to wound
the flesh of those who trespass against us.
Put on the whole armor of God,
assault rifles, riot gear, and fear not,
for the Lord thy God is with you.
For we wrestle against flesh and blood, and brother,
we must make them bleed even as Christ bled for all.
--Bill Stifler, © 2020
* The reference in the title to the American Revised Version is not a reference to the American Standard Version of the Bible, which is sometimes referred to as such, but is meant satirically in keeping with the tone of the entire poem.
** Jerry Falwell, Jr. to students at Liberty University
*** Dr. Gary Cass, Deliver Us From Evil Conference